22,015 Words, And A Plot Is In The Offing

What's gives with the radio silence, eh? A number of you did not post any blogs today or yesterday. I am saddened and disappointed. I am also embarrassed that I spent the whole day refreshing blogger, hoping to see a new post from one of you.

Meanwhile, back at the office...

As a promotion of sorts, Olivia was now in charge of the embarrassing moment section of Globetrotting Gurlz, or the appropriately titled “How EMBARRASSING!!” page of the magazine. Well, at least Atoosa referred to it as a promotion. In Olivia’s mind, the assignment was more “Rachel is leaving to have a baby, and will probably start working at ‘My Child Is My Life!’ so I am going to give this job that no one else really wanted to you in exchange for a miniscule raise in pay.” Basically, the job involved sorting through the considerable mail bag every week and picking out the best embarrassing moments that had been submitted by readers, and typing them up for publication.

It is commonly said that our children will inherit the earth; after reading just a few of the letters, Olivia began to worry about the fate of the planet.

"I was re-reading the third Twilight book by the pool in Mexico with the guy that I have a crush on. Suddenly I got a paper cut on my finger. It was no big deal, so I went over to the sink to wash it out. We were joking around, and he came over to me and gave me a surprise hug while I was smiling. So I hugged him back with my wet hands, and when I pulled away, I saw that my braces were caught onto his shirt! I was completely embarrassed and he ran away telling all of our friends what just happened." –Julie, 13, Toledo, OH

Olivia would have liked to advise Julie that her “crush” sounded like a jerk and that there are much more embarrassing places for your braces to be caught than someone’s shirt (she would know), but sadly, there wasn’t a feedback section. Instead, it was her job to rate said embarrassing moment on a scale of one to four red faces, one red face being “Traumarama! Stay in your room for the rest of the trip!” and four red faces advising readers that “Your life is over. Everyone at home will hear about this, move away and change your name!” She did not think that any of the available options were exactly appropriate for the case at hand. Personally, she would have advised Julie just to switch crushes, but that wasn’t an option. Since it was her job to rate them using the available scale, however, she settled on two red faces: “Ouch! Switch hotels, and wear your sunglasses just in case someone recognizes you!”

“I was trying on a really nice pair of DILF-brand by Dawson Bleery leather hot pants in Italy, and stepped out to model them for my mom. Suddenly, my crush appeared! I wanted a moment alone with him, so I asked my mom to go and get me a shirt to match the pants. My crush told me that the pants looked good and that I should buy them, and I was so excited! He was about to kiss me when my dog, who had somehow followed us over from England, approached us with a used tampon in his mouth! I was about to die of embarrassment, but things only got worse. My mom came back with several training bras, and asked me if I thought that they would be small enough. Then my Dad showed up with my brother, and they told my crush how much I liked him! Finally, just as I was about to kill myself using one of the stylish white Italian leather belts in the store, I fell down and my underwear was showing!” --Margaret, 15, London, England

This one at least merited four red faces, Olivia thought. When this girl gets embarrassed, she really goes to town.

As Olivia was typing up her verdict, Ellie floated into her office. Yes, these days, she was so happy that instead of skulking around as Olivia liked to do, it was like she was drifting through the air, completely untouched by the bad things in life. This was not a side of Ellie that Olivia had ever seen; this was Ellie in a dream. The night before, after returning from a fancy dinner—with a lot of pinot grigio—and a walk in High Park with Bigsley, Ellie had told her that she thought that Bigsley was the man that she would marry. She would have screamed it from the rooftops if we had access to the roof, which we didn’t, after an incident involving a man in a vampire cape who thought that he could fly.

Since that night, she hadn’t stopped smiling. Olivia wasn’t exactly sure what had happened that night that had made her so lovestruck, but really, it didn’t matter. Seeing Ellie glow like that almost made her glow along with her.

“Fernando is here to see you,” Ellie announced, making Olivia feel like she was in an old novel where every time anyone arrives at their house, they are announced. But if that had been the case, Ellie would have said “Mr. Wickham” instead. She made a note to encourage Ellie to do so in the future.


After this, Fernando convinces Olivia to take some sick days and go to Portugal with him on assignment. She agrees, and they have just arrived. The plot is going to really get going soon, and I'm looking forward to it.