30,018 Words

I got caught up today, and wrote 3,000 words. As promised, Olivia and Fernando broke up (as shown here), Olivia and Ellie played the Pierre McGuire drinking game, and Olivia told Darcy about the demise of her relationship.

Whenever there is a possibility that something will go wrong, it will. And when it rains, it fucking pours. These two things have always been, and always will be, fundamental truths.

Dealing with a heartbroken friend is difficult enough, but at least it’s manageable when your relationship is blooming like the skills of rookie goaltender Carey Price. But this turned out to be a luxury that Olivia would not enjoy for much longer.

Olivia was almost giddy to see Fernando when he returned to London after his two-week trip around Portugal. When he showed up, he was looking better than ever. Tanned, reflective aviators, and a deep blue Oxford shirt with the sleeves rolled up, showing off his strong arms. She moved in to kiss him, but he moved ever so slightly so as to only kiss her on the cheek. It wasn’t even a particularly affectionate kiss; it was more like the kind of greeting you would give to someone that you don’t even particularly like. It was a far cry from that last night that they had spent in Lisbon, when he had opened his soul to her while they danced.

“We need to talk,” Fernando said, almost immediately upon entering her flat. Those are four words that basically no one wants to hear; nothing good ever really follows them. He led the way to her room, and sat on her bed looking serious and troubled. Everything about his appearance told her that she should sit at her desk chair, away from him.

Olivia’s mind was racing, wondering what it was that she did to earn a “talk.” Did he discover her secret stash of N’Sync photos? There were some pretty incriminating ones in there: shirtless with vests tied up, oversized overalls with one of the straps hanging down, ‘do rags, shirts so tight that they look painted on, frosted tips, and worse, braces on Chris Kirkpatrick. Anyone would have (and should have) broken up with her upon discovering the dubious collection.

“I don’t think that we should see each other anymore,” Fernando began.

Olivia was stunned. Every part of her body started to feel numb. She was so shocked that she couldn’t even cry, but she was thankful for this. She didn’t want to show Fernando just how weak he was making her feel; no one had the right to do this, especially not him.

“But… why?” she finally stammered. “What did I do? Why are you saying this?”

“It’s… not really you. It’s me. I think that I need some time to be alone.”

The look on his face was one that she had never seen; it was almost mocking her with fake pity. Was he even trying to seem genuine, she wondered? Was he even capable of being genuine at all?

She felt like she was falling. Falling and falling, into such depths of despair that she would never feel happy again. Everything around her was turning grey and cheerless. She wondered if she had as well.

“I don’t understand,” Olivia cried. “What about all of those things that you said in Lisbon? Why would you say them if you didn’t mean them? You obviously didn’t.”

“I don’t really know.” His facial expression indicated that he was pretending to feel bad. It was more insulting than anything.

“That isn’t good enough. You can’t do this to me and not even tell me why. ‘Its not you, it’s me’? Really, Fernando. You’re a fucking writer. You should be able to make up something a lot better than that.”

“Why do you have to be that way? I’m being honest. Isn’t that what you want?” Now at least the look on his face, conveying annoyance, seemed real.

“Yeah it is, Fernando. I do want you to be honest. You can start any moment now.”

“Do you always try to be difficult? Or is it so effortless for you that you don’t even notice anymore?”

“Why should I make this easy for you? Do you have any idea how you’re making me feel?” Olivia spat.

“Do you think that this isn’t hard for me? It is! I feel terrible about this!”

“No, I don’t really think that it’s particularly hard for you. And I don’t believe you when you say that you feel terrible about breaking up with me.”

Fernando eyed the door sadly, wishing that he could leave. He had done what he had come to do, and now that it was over, he felt that it was time to clear out. Olivia didn’t exactly agree.

“I’m not letting you leave until you give me an explanation for why you acted the way you did, and why you asked me to be your girlfriend, and then why you told me that ‘the only thing that was real was the time that you spent with me.’ How the hell can you say that and then turn around and break up with me, without any warning? Do you have some kind of compulsion where you need to tell people everything that they want to hear? Do you ever think about anybody else?”

“I can’t talk to you when you’re being this irrational.”

“Irrational? Fuck you! Do you even understand a little what kind of effect your actions have on other people?”

“I told you that I was sorry.”

“How can you think that’s good enough? It’s like you wanted me to fall for you, and once I did, I stopped mattering.”

“That isn’t how it was,” he said defensively. “I don’t know what happened. I just know that I don’t want to be with you right now.”

Olivia was shaking; shaking with anger, shaking with grief, shaking from the feeling that she might explode if she didn’t punch Fernando in the face.

“Just get out. The door is to the left,” she finally said, not even looking him in the eye.

Fernando didn’t need to be told twice; he almost ran into the door in his rush to open it.

“I’m sorry,” he said again as he left.

“We’re not together anymore, so do me a favour and stop pretending. You’re not sorry at all.”

Fernando seemed disappointed; likely because his performance hadn’t been as convincing as he had hoped it would be. Was everything that he had done and said an act? And if his acting was as poor as his most recent display, how could she have been so dumb as to fall for it? She wasn’t sure who she was more disappointed in: Fernando, for turning out to be an emotionally stunted lying mofo, or herself, for believing it. She quickly decided that hands down, her anger should be directed at Fernando instead of herself. When someone is telling you exactly what you want to hear, despite your best judgment, it can be pretty difficult to question it. The strongest people fall in love with the wrong people. Letting herself get caught in Fernando’s storm didn’t make her weak; it made her a person who can feel. At least she could pride herself in that; Fernando couldn’t even say that about himself.

When she heard the door close behind Fernando, she lost all of the composure that she had maintained in his presence. She was alone, in so many ways. She contemplated this as she sobbed on her bed, almost immobile. She felt as if something incredibly heavy was on her chest, and she could barely breathe.

Ellie appeared in her door, looking about as bad as now the pair of them felt. She had probably heard everything; the Longbourne Apartments may be able to boast impossibly low water pressure and a beautiful view of an alley full of dumpsters, but thick and sound-proof walls were not something that the residents of those Studley Road flats could enjoy.

Their eyes met, and the complete understanding that was exchanged was heartbreaking. They didn’t have to speak, since each of them was thinking the exact same thing. They say it gets easier, and more than anything they wanted to get to that paradise where they didn’t feel like this.

This wasn’t the kind of shared experience that anybody hopes to bond over; a shared love of a sports team, a high school, or being in the same city during an earthquake were all preferable to this. They had learned how to ride their bikes at the same time, they had done their cousinly duty and shared chicken pox with one another, and they had figured out the best way to sneak out of their houses together. It only made sense to them that they would experience true heartbreak for the first time together as well. That was just the way that the cards had been dealt to Ellie Bennet and Olivia Pool, cousins and fools when it came to love.