Day 23- 38,505 Words

This novel is feeling like it's moving very slow, but things are moving forward marginally faster these days.  Thanks to some plagiarism of Wikipedia, I was able to write my quota for the day.  Here, Penny Lane and Alejandro are hiding from Five For Fighting in Honest Ed's.  I'm not too sure why I picked that location, but it just feels perfect.

And congratulations to Indigo on finishing today!  I'm so proud that you have completed your fifth novel!  And from what I can tell from Facebook, you have continued your tradition of having the best last line ever as the ending of your book.

The pair strolled along the long aisles of bargain items, each breathing a sigh of relief that they had—for the moment—lost Five For Fighting, leaving them somewhere between dressing up as mannequins and buying new clothes both to look like they had emerged from a Cody Simpson video. 

“Can I interest you in a plush toy moose?  They’re on sale for $7.99,” Penny Lane said, cradling the moose lovingly.

“I have enough at home already.”

“Really?”

“No, of course not.”

They continued to walk around the store, silently taking in Honest Ed’s in all its wonder and frugality.  

“They have the ‘Five For Fighting’ CD on sale for $4.99, I’m sure you’re incredibly eager to purchase it in light of recent events,” Alejandro said, picking up the CD and reading the track listing to himself. 

“You’re going to have to be more specific.  Are you referring to the American singer-songwriter, or the roving band of hockey hooligans who most likely want to kill me?  Did they record a CD?  Is it music to fight to, or is it just the sound of people fighting?”

“It’s the former.  To my knowledge, the hockey hooligans Five For Fighting have not recorded an album.  But with Justin Bieber at the helm, I don’t see how it could go wrong.”

“You’re right.  I will fight anyone who tries to tell me that ‘Girlfriend’ isn’t a completely legit song.”

“You won’t have to fight me, then.”

“Do you think that they sell any jewelry here?” Alejandro asked, craning his neck looking for any sign of a jeweler in the massive store.

“Are you buying something for someone special?” Penny Lane asked, hearing her voice deflate in the same way that her heart surely was. 

“I’m just wondering if they have a replica of the fourteen carat diamond sparkler that Chad Kroeger presented to Avril Lavigne two weeks ago.  I figure that any ring that could convince anyone to marry Chad Krueger must be magic.”

“That’s so true it’s insane.  But you know, that’s not actually how you pronounce his name. But the best part of the announcement of the shock engagement—other than the hilarious engagement photo where Kroeger looks like a koala that is hanging off of Avril who must be pregnant based on the way that he is touching her stomach—is that as big of a national deal as it was up here in Canada, still so many people couldn’t get his name right, not even the national radio programs. Like, he’s supposed to be this country’s rock god and half the media can’t be bothered to learn how to properly say his name. It’s CREW-GUR as opposed to CROW-GUR.  Gordon the Vampyre corrected me once when I was ranting about how his hair is always inexplicably ten years behind what is popular—he also corrected me on the fact that his hair is much, much more outdated than two years.”

“Who is Gordon the Vampyre?”

“Gordon?  He’s the director of…”

Fuck.  She was supposed to be a hockey writer, not a cupcake bakery reality show star. 

“He’s the director of… a funeral parlour nearby.”

“The fact that he dresses up as a vampyre seems incredibly inappropriate.”

“Yes, I can see that…” Penny Lane said, wishing that she could have come up with anything other than ‘funeral director.’  People direct a lot of things: cruises, schools, movies.  All of those seemed like a better choice than ‘funeral director.’  “It’s a pretty morbid funeral parlour. 

“So why are you talking to the guy all of the time?  He sounds incredibly creepy and insensitive.”

Penny Lane had never heard a better description of the real Gordon the Vampyre than “creepy and insensitive.”

“They always have really good food at funerals?” Penny Lane practically asked, searching Alejandro’s face for horror.  She didn’t have to look to hard before she found it.

It became very clear that silence would suit the two of them best at that moment.

As Penny Lane glanced around the store, every sense overwhelmed by the spectacle that is Honest Ed’s, she noticed a woman in the corner who was looking particularly glamourous.  She wore a gold sequined loose-fitting top over some black leggings with gold sequined peep toe pumps with shiny red lacquered soles, marking them as Christian Laboutins.  She was obviously too glamourous for a place like Honest Ed’s, making her stand out even more. 

As she whispered furtively into her iPhone, Penny Lane finally clued in to who she was.  It was Selena Gomez, who is famous for three things: for portraying Alex Russo, the protagonist in the Emmy Award-winning television series Wizards of Waverly Place, for her music career with the band Selena Gomez and the Scene, and for her relationship with Canadian heartthrob Justin Bieber.

It was all coming together, and Penny Lane didn’t like it one bit.  Evidently, Selena Gomez was the kind of person who got a rush from bargain shopping, even if she wore a pair of $2,000 peep toe pumps to the bargain basement.  Bieber must have shared Penny Lane’s picture with his paramour, since Selena Gomez was very clearly staring at Penny Lane and Alejandro as she spoke into the phone.  She knew right away that Five For Fighting must have been on their way, all because Justin Bieber’s girlfriend likes a good bargain.