I have realized that dialogue takes up considerably more words than anything else, so my characters are constantly having ridiculous conversations. This excerpt is probably too revealing, again, but who cares.
“I’m wondering why they would bother opening up a cronuts shop right now, and going to all of the trouble of getting Phil a job at the city of Toronto and pretending that it’s a pop-up souvenir shop? What do you think they’re getting out of this?”
“Do you have any idea what cronuts are worth?”
“We sold them for four dollars each.”
“And how many would you guess that you sold each day?”
“Honestly? Thousands. They were popular.”
“If you are sitting on your cut of thirty million dollars worth of maple syrup, is it worth it to open up your own cronuts shop so that you can earn a few thousand dollars every day minus the overhead?”
“Probably not,” Chloe admitted.
“So it must be serving some other function. If they are indeed millionaires, why go to all of that trouble?”
“Do you think that they actually have that money? It doesn’t look like Phil has any money given that disgusting beard.”
“Maybe not. But stealing thirty million dollars’ worth of maple syrup is one thing. Actually have thirty million dollars is another. They have to sell it somehow.”
“That would have been pretty hard to do in Quebec when there was that Blood Syrup campaign going and no one was buying maple syrup for a while.”
“Is that what they called it?” sighed Cole, sounding baffled. “Did anyone actually die when the syrup was stolen?”
“I think that someone might have gotten a paper cut while filing the paperwork for the missing maple syrup.”
“Well that’s a tragedy. Were there any candlelit vigils?”
“I assume.”
“So selling the hot maple syrup in Quebec was difficult. Do you think that it might be easier in another province? Say, Ontario?”
“I would think that Toronto would be the prime place for that, especially now. People are too distracted by Rob Ford mowing down elderly councilwomen and his frequent drunken stupors to care about anything else, let alone stolen maple syrup.”
“How convenient.”
“Indeed. So do you think that Buns of Steel is just a front so that they can fence the stolen maple syrup?”
“That’s the best theory we have right now.”
“Better than the theory that Voldemort is attached to someone’s head and is behind the whole thing?”
“I think it’s about time that we ruled that out as a possibility.”
“Fine,” Chloe sulked.
“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
“Unless you’re imagining Voldemort on the back of Dallas’ head, probably not.”
“I was not, in fact, thinking about that.”
“Then you’ll have to let me in your head, not unlike what Voldemort did to Professor Quirrell.”
“I’m going to leave if you don’t stop talking about that.”
“Alright. I’ll stop.”
“I’m wondering why they would bother opening up a cronuts shop right now, and going to all of the trouble of getting Phil a job at the city of Toronto and pretending that it’s a pop-up souvenir shop? What do you think they’re getting out of this?”
“Do you have any idea what cronuts are worth?”
“We sold them for four dollars each.”
“And how many would you guess that you sold each day?”
“Honestly? Thousands. They were popular.”
“If you are sitting on your cut of thirty million dollars worth of maple syrup, is it worth it to open up your own cronuts shop so that you can earn a few thousand dollars every day minus the overhead?”
“Probably not,” Chloe admitted.
“So it must be serving some other function. If they are indeed millionaires, why go to all of that trouble?”
“Do you think that they actually have that money? It doesn’t look like Phil has any money given that disgusting beard.”
“Maybe not. But stealing thirty million dollars’ worth of maple syrup is one thing. Actually have thirty million dollars is another. They have to sell it somehow.”
“That would have been pretty hard to do in Quebec when there was that Blood Syrup campaign going and no one was buying maple syrup for a while.”
“Is that what they called it?” sighed Cole, sounding baffled. “Did anyone actually die when the syrup was stolen?”
“I think that someone might have gotten a paper cut while filing the paperwork for the missing maple syrup.”
“Well that’s a tragedy. Were there any candlelit vigils?”
“I assume.”
“So selling the hot maple syrup in Quebec was difficult. Do you think that it might be easier in another province? Say, Ontario?”
“I would think that Toronto would be the prime place for that, especially now. People are too distracted by Rob Ford mowing down elderly councilwomen and his frequent drunken stupors to care about anything else, let alone stolen maple syrup.”
“How convenient.”
“Indeed. So do you think that Buns of Steel is just a front so that they can fence the stolen maple syrup?”
“That’s the best theory we have right now.”
“Better than the theory that Voldemort is attached to someone’s head and is behind the whole thing?”
“I think it’s about time that we ruled that out as a possibility.”
“Fine,” Chloe sulked.
“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
“Unless you’re imagining Voldemort on the back of Dallas’ head, probably not.”
“I was not, in fact, thinking about that.”
“Then you’ll have to let me in your head, not unlike what Voldemort did to Professor Quirrell.”
“I’m going to leave if you don’t stop talking about that.”
“Alright. I’ll stop.”
Heeheee (picture dad giggling with his hand over his mouth) - that's how great this excerpt is, that even dad would have to laugh out loud. Can't get enough of your dialogue. I'm almost hoping that voldemort is behind all of this.
ReplyDeleteOh. My. God. I don't know if you even believe the comments any more because we keep writing the same thing, but I literally just GUFFAWED in the middle of my living room as I read this. This is so insanely unlikely, and yet makes so much sense at the same time. You are writing an amazing novel this year Katie! The inclusion of little jokes in the dialogue is just so hilarious, I don't know how you do it, but I am so glad you do.
ReplyDeleteI am wondering if perhaps Rob Ford is deliberately drawing public attention away from the 'Blood Syrup' campaign, and is he taking a cut of the $30 million? Nah, he's not smart enough for that.
Great job, Katie. Good luck with finishing tomorrow!
AMAZING. Dialogue is so hard to get right and you just nail it here! I was cracking up the whole excerpt. I think Jill is onto something here…what if Rob Ford is actually a cold, calculating player in this game, and the drunken buffoon thing is just an act? That could be your final dangling thread in the novel. Also the whole Voldemort conversation was pure gold.
ReplyDeleteFavorite exchange: “Is that what they called it?” sighed Cole, sounding baffled. “Did anyone actually die when the syrup was stolen?”
“I think that someone might have gotten a paper cut while filing the paperwork for the missing maple syrup.”
“Well that’s a tragedy. Were there any candlelit vigils?”
“I assume.”
:)
Happy Last Day Eve! Great talking Harry Potter with you tonight.
Katie, I loved this! Except I wish you would have made more jokes about hot maple syrup... it made me think of the infamous Tim Horton's hot smoothies. *shudder*
ReplyDeleteI am so excited to read how everything comes together. I love the idea of 'Blood Syrup' - it cracks me up very time. And I love the idea of Buns of Steel as a complicated fence operation for stolen maple syrup. It makes so little sense that it actually reverses and starts to make almost too much sense.
Again, I love Cole and Chloe together and want to find out more!! I hope I get to read the whole thing, and soon!