I've Seen Better Writing on a Canoe: Day 14, and 26,027 Words

Today's writing was mostly just treading water as I geared up for some major plot developments that will happen in the coming days. This excerpt is mostly for Jill, who has been calling for this scene for a while now. For those of you who are excited to hear about what will happen next after yesterday's revelation, I'm sorry that this excerpt will not satisfy you. But I have really appreciated everyone's advice, and will be writing some of those scenes in the coming days. I think I may have gotten a little too good at wasting words.

Since the auditions were occurring at Jackie’s Place, and brian j. Pickles was in attendance, I don’t need to tell you that things quickly went downhill from there. It appeared as if the producers had organized the auditions so as to encourage Nora to choose one of two particular actors: David Boreanaz and Taylor Kitsch. Everyone else had been completely forgettable or bizarre, with almost nothing in between.

David Boreanaz auditioned first. He gave a spirited performance as Wandstein in the scene where he and Charles Charmfinkle first meet Eliza and Jeanette. Perhaps because of his experience playing Angel on “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and then in the spin-off series “Angel,” he played the role with a little too much intensity for Nora’s liking but he had the gravitas to pull it off.

The producers had purposefully scheduled Taylor Kitsch’s audition half an hour after Boreanaz’s with the hopes that the two would not run into each other. No one was eager to repeat the ordeal that was the 2017 NHL All-Star Celebrity Shoot-Out at the Los Angelos Convention Centre in Los Angeles, California, United States of America. Apparently some dumb fuck had thought it was a smart idea to put the rivals on Team Lemieux, which was to face off against Team Gretzky. Things had started off well enough—the pair were separated by several other players in the shootout. But when Kitsch decided to initiate some intra-team chirping—shouting “I’ve seen better wheels on a canoe!” towards Boreanaz as he was winding up for his shot, causing him to embarrassingly misfire—tensions escalated. When Boreanaz shouted “You suck, thirty seven!” as Kitsch was preparing to take his final shot, Kitsch skipped the shot and skated at full speed towards Boreanaz instead, and the two exchanged punches in front of an enthralled crowd.

The All-Star Celebrity Shoot-Out had been organized to benefit Echoes of Hope, a nonprofit organization founded by Luc and Stacia Robitaille, which strives to inspire hope in the lives of at-risk and emancipated foster youth. Needless to say, the at-risk and emancipated youth were uninspired by their performance, and were left feeling more hopeless than ever.

Given that this was a very public feud, Nora wasn’t sure why the two were asked to compete for the same role at all, let alone show up on the same day to audition. Nora’s instincts had in fact been correct.

Boreanaz had snuck back into Jackie’s Place, apparently doing an army-crawl along the disgusting floor as Jackie looked on approvingly. Just as Kitsch was getting to the emotional climax of a scene between Eliza and Wandstein, Boreanaz seized the moment and started heckling him once more: “You suck, thirty seven!” Kitsch would have recognized that voice anywhere. He spun around towards the noise, and once he located Boreanaz, he jumped off the stage to tackle him. The two were exchanging punches for several minutes before Jackie eventually got bored and broke up the fight. He did so not a second too soon, as Nora did not want there to be any more damage to their faces than necessary.

“Jealous?” Kitsch yelled, to the confusion of everyone who heard it.

Nora quickly told the two to go home, and that they would not be cast in the role of William Wandstein, or any other role, for that matter. In fact, she decided then and there that she did not want a white man to play the role at all, so she would be looking elsewhere for her Wandstein. She would later hear that the two managed to repair their friendship after this public altercation, based on their shared grievances that they had lost out on a part because they were white men. While it made her very happy to hear that they had settled their differences, she was less than thrilled about their reasoning.