Another day of writing down! I was having fun with the Space Jam theme today, so I wrote more about that. This truly is the year that I have taken "No plot? No problem!" to heart.
Everything that I write about Space Jam is inspired by this ten year old Deadspin article that assesses the game in the movie. It really makes me laugh.
"What scene are you filming today?” Abigail said the next morning as Fernando got ready to head into work. Abigail didn’t have anywhere to be, so she was lounging around in Fernando’s football shorts in his fancy hotel room.
“Another football scene,” he replied, gathering up his things. Abigail noticed that he grabbed a pair of toe nail clippers, a corkscrew, a bottle of firm hold hair gel, and a stainless steel tumbler that read “Daddy’s Sippy Cup” in white, loopy scrawl. She was glad to see that he had grabbed all the essentials.
She wondered what it was with these footballers and “Daddy’s Sippy Cup,” but she decided to save that question for another day.
“It’s the final scene, when Ricardo scores a goal from half court in the final seconds of stoppage time while the rest of us are tied up by the Tasmanian Devil.”
“That doesn’t sound fair,” Abigail remarked.
“Well, it probably isn’t, but we had grown to five times our size and were stomping on our opponents just before that, so we can’t really complain.”
“I still would complain. I suspect match fixing.”
“If anything, having Marvin the Martian as the referee worked to our advantage since he appeared to have some allegiance to his alien brethren. He overlooked a lot on both sides, though. There also should have been more stoppage time, honestly, because of all the time it took to wheel Elmer Fudd of the pitch after Garth Ball’s character literally turned into a wrecking ball and hit him when he was about to score.”
“Elmer Fudd was going to score on you? Sounds embarrassing.”
“Are you taking the side of the body-snatching aliens who are trying to hold the Looney Tunes captive? You know we’re the bad guys, right?”
“I would cheer for you against anyone.” Abigail said emphatically.
“Your support means a lot to me,” Fernando grinned.
“So what will you be doing today for that scene?”
“I think we will mostly be sitting around today, tied up.”
“Don’t threaten me with a good time,” Abigail joked, smiling.
Fernando paused for a second, and then raised his eyebrows at her, suggesting that the idea was not totally unappealing to him either.
He continued, “It’s going to be a long day. As much as I love Sergio Ramirez, I could really do without his disgusting stories.”
“Can you tell him to save them for me instead?”
Fernando laughed. “I’m sure he would love another captive audience.”
“I wish it wasn’t the last day of filming. We’ve only gotten to spend a week together! Do you think that you could just do a really bad job to delay things?”
“I’ve been trying. But it turns out that the bar for acting here is so low that even when I’m doing my worst, no one cares.”
“That doesn’t sound promising for the quality of the film,” Abigail replied.
“Alright, Roger Ebert.”
The witty banter is absolutely top-notch. Fernando and Abigail are so cute together. Their flirting was a joy to read.
ReplyDeleteFernando not being opposed to the idea made me blush.
The space jam talk was perfection. You captured the essence of the lunacy of the movie magnificently. I was rooting for Abigail in her calling out of the problems in the game.
I love these characters so much!
I’ve never seen Space Jam, because I’ve always suspected the aliens didn’t respect the official rules.
ReplyDeleteHa! Such a funny exchange, and I loved the inclusion of the 'essentials'- I choked when I read "she was glad to see that he had grabbed all the essentials"
ReplyDeleteI truly wish Space Jam: Futbolista was a real thing!
Hilarious line from Fernando: “I’ve been trying. But it turns out that the bar for acting here is so low that even when I’m doing my worst, no one cares.”
And Abigail's response is perfect!
“That doesn’t sound promising for the quality of the film,”
I don't know what it says about the quality of the film (which to me sounds high) but the quality of your novel has never been higher! I have no problem with your lack of plot!
haha, "the essentials." As if Fernando could ever be bad at anything. I have never seen any of the Space Jams, although I listened to a "how did this get made" podcast about the first one so I feel like I saw it. I would read a novel about Space Jam reboots forever - especially this one.
ReplyDeleteI also listened to that episode of HDTGM! I loved the hosts discussing how Michael Jordan must still have nightmares about playing basketball alone on a court while being chased around by silent green-suited figures. I think about it now whenever the topic of Space Jam comes up.
DeleteI love hearing about the plotting of Space Jam: Futbolista! It sounds about as nonsensical as the original movie itself (I will not be watching the newest installation, but I would certainly enjoy seeing the screen adaptation of the Fernando Torres version!) Hahaha obviously “the essentials” must include Daddy’s Sippy Cup—I never leave the house without mine! Is Garth Ball a real person? (No, I will not be googling.) Because of course he would turn into a wrecking ball—a self-fulfilling prophecy! As always, your dialogue is spot-on! The flirty banter here is great, and while I have a hard time believing that Fernando Torres would know who Roger Ebert is, this is a perfect comeback so I’m willing to suspend my disbelief.
ReplyDelete