I was dragging while writing today, since I had no idea how to write anything remotely interesting about Fernando and Abigail, so I decided not to. Instead I just decided to throw things into chaos by bringing in the most fun elements of my novel so far.
At the start of this scene, Abigail just arrived at Fernando's house in Formby, a wealthy suburb of Liverpool. His house manager, Nigel, let Abigail in.
As she opened the door to leave for the expertly planned self-guided tour of Formby and everything that it had to offer, she saw that someone was sitting on the front porch. It wasn’t Fernando, with his signature blonde locks. The man was wearing an oversized plaid shirt with a white t-shirt underneath, and ill-fitting jeans.
He turned to face her, and the first thing that she registered was the panic on his face. The second thing that registered was that it was James van der Beek.
“James!” Abigail cried in surprise. “What are you doing here!”
James as if he was about to collapse with stress.
“And why are you dressed like that!” Abigail added. It probably wasn’t necessary to criticize his outfit, but it just slipped out.
“I’m sorry to just show up like this,” James said apologetically. “I needed to find you. I got Fernando’s address from your sister. I hope that’s okay.”
“What’s going on?” Abigail said, panic rising in her voice. Something serious must have been happening if James flew to England to see her. He probably could have phoned or texted her, but that was neither here nor there. Well, it was here. In England.
“I don’t quite know how to say it,” James said, suddenly bashful.
“But you came all the way from Toronto to say something to me!” Abigail shouted back.
Nigel, hearing the commotion, scurried to the front door to see what all the fuss was about.
“Is this man bothering—” Nigel started to say.
“No!” Abigail said quickly. “He’s actually my boss,” she added awkwardly.
“Your boss?” Nigel sniffed. “Well, what is he doing here?”
“Urgent work business,” James rushed to say.
“There’s such a thing as Dawson’s Creek: Legacy business?” Nigel said in a very judgmental and very British voice.
“Well, is there such a thing as urgent soccer business?” James shot back.
Nigel looked taken aback by the quick quip. “Here we call it football,” he said, before turning around to act busy doing something else. That was not the robust defense that he seemed to think it was.
Once they were alone, Abigail pressed James once more.
“You have to tell me what’s going on. You’re really scaring me.”
“It’s nothing bad,” James said.
“Well, if it isn’t bad, then why are you here? I’m on vacation! You’re my boss and you’re crashing my vacation!”
“I don’t want to crash your vacation. It’s just that, well—”
“Well, what?”
“The Rock is in trouble!”
“What? The Rock? Is he okay? Is he safe?” Abigail shrieked, panicked. “But if something has put the Rock in danger, what could I possibly do to help him? If the Rock goes down, so will the rest of us!”
“He’s safe,” James said, causing Abigail to exhale loudly. “I think.”
“You think?”
“He’ll be safe if we can keep him away from Jason Statham.”
“What?” Abigail cried even louder, prompting a shush from Nigel who was evidently just around the corner from them.
“What is this, a library?” James shouted back at him.
For a celebrity who professionally tries to resolve feuds, James sure seemed to be good at starting them.
“I need you to come with me now,” James said urgently, tugging Abigail’s sleeve.
“But I was going to go on a self-guided walking tour of Formby!” Abigail lamented.
“There isn’t any time for a self-guided walking tour of Formby!” James said, exasperated.
Somewhere in the house, Nigel sighed loudly. Yet another person was passing up his artisanal self-guided walking tour of Formby.
“We’ll pick up Fernando on the way. We have no time to lose!” James said hurriedly as they got into his rental car. There was some confusion, as both of them tried to get in the wrong side.
Abigail hoped that he had figured out how to drive on the left side of the road.
“Fernando is training. I don’t think he can come!”
“I cleared it with his coach. He’s coming!”
“Coming where?”
“I’ll tell you on the way!”
“Will you also tell me on the way why you’re wearing that outfit?”
Oh my god! The Rock is in danger?! And Jason Statham has entered the fray!? His is very very bad. Who rescues the Rock? And why is he wearing early 2000s fashion? Ye gods I hope he doesn’t start wearing the clothes he wore in Mrs Miracle, that would be a disaster.
ReplyDeleteAlso, because my dog’s name is Nigel I thought of my dog every time your character Nigel did anything which made this excerpt even funnier.
There's legitimately no way for me to love this more. Nothing happens, i have no idea what's going on but I'm on board. Feeling urgent, ready to go!
ReplyDelete"He probably could have phoned or texted her, but that was neither here nor there. Well, it was here. In England" - this line was perfection.
I laughed out loud at how preoccupied Abigail is with James' outfit despite how bonkers the situation is.
The Rock has to be okay!
OMG WHAT IS GOING ON! James in that outfit, flew all the way to England, to rescue the Rock? And Jason STatham is involved? (I know, i just summarized your excerpt, I am really feeling the urgency)
ReplyDeleteI am really scared that Jason STatham is involved but simultaneously, I have complete faith in the Rock. Complete.
I was scared that James was going to confess his love for Abigail, which would be really awkward.
This was pure gold, solid gold! I was very much laughing out loud. Like Abigail, I would "shriek" if I heard The Rock was in danger (and also feel like we were all going down). The "artisinal self-guided walking tour" also had me laughing and I'm still trying to figure out how it could be artisinal. Perhaps by including slices of cracker barrel cheddar (in orange and white flavours?).
ReplyDeleteAmazing! Love this Nigel character shushing James van der Beek and being judge-y: “There’s such a thing as Dawson’s Creek: Legacy business?” And oh no! The Rock is in trouble. “If the Rock goes down, so will the rest of us!” Truer words have never been spoken. Also “ For a celebrity who professionally tries to resolve feuds, James sure seemed to be good at starting them” is a very astute point. And why is he dressed like original flavor Dawson? And he couldn’t have texted rather than flying across the Pond to show up on Fernando’s doorstep?? So many questions!!
ReplyDelete