Day 3 of no wifi

 Before she could think to say anything to get more clarity, and to probably embarrass herself, she heard the door to Jackie’s Place swing shut loudly once more. Three men, who looked incredibly spry for their ages, walked in. The first looked to be about Jake’s age. He was wearing a backwards Blue Jays cap, a white sleeveless shirt that showed off his extremely appealing arms, well-fitting black athletic shorts that showed off his extremely appealing... knees, and flip flops that showed off his normal feet. He had dark brown and messy hair that was about chin length. Without doing any investigative reporting, Scottie could just tell that he had a silly nickname that every single person probably called him except for his mother.

The other two men Scottie thought were probably separate people, but she knew that immediately upon learning their names she would forget them and/ or mix them up. They both looked to be middle-aged, with brown hair that was showing signs of their age with grey hairs. They were each wearing London Knights polos that were slightly different from each other’s, and matching London Knights baseball caps.

The trio started towards one of the grimy tables by the dirt-covered window, but immediately changed course when they saw Jake Kneiss sitting beside Scottie.

“Jake!” the younger one said, striding towards him and pulling him in for a simultaneous high five and hug and back slap.

“What are you doing here, Bam Bam?” Jake said with a grin on his face. Well, there was the silly nickname. Scottie wasn’t sure if everyone except his mother called him that, but it was clear that at least one person called him that.

“Matt,” Jake said, giving one of the older men a friendly handshake. “Pat,” he said, shaking the hand of the other.

“We figured we would get the weekend started early, since the head coach was out of office,” Bam Bam said, his eyes zeroing in on Scottie. The delight in them at finding the person who had been keeping Jake out of the office was palpable.

“I’m Logan. But everyone calls me Bam Bam.” He extended his hand, and Scottie shook it. He had a very firm handshake that lasted a little too long, in her opinion. She swore she saw an actual twinkle in his eye. He looked like he was up to a lot of things, and none of them were good.

“Hi,” Scottie said, noting to herself that she would never actually call him Bam Bam for the rest of her life. “I’m Scottie.”

“Scottie!” Bam Bam said with a laugh. A clear look of recognition crossed over his face. Both Matt and Pat chuckled. “This is Irish Spring?”

Jake’s cheeks went bright red. “She says that she liked the gift,” he sulked.

“That is not what I said after you gave it to me,” Scottie snickered.

“Oh my gosh Scottie,” Bam Bam said, putting a hand over her shoulder. “Please tell me everything.”

She noted that Jake’s neck was still beet red, and decided that she wouldn’t embarrass him more than she needed to. Well, not much more than she needed to.

“Well, I told him that the Irish Spring five/ cinq in/ en one/ un was a fine gift. I’m a busy career woman on the go, and I don’t have the time—but I do have the money—to buy and use five different products. Including two deodorants. Two! Who has the time? I also consider myself to be an Irish Spring connoisseur. Indeed, I was a fan of the soap formula prior to the Formula Change and Redesign Debacle of February, 2022. That’s what I call when they renamed the original variant to ‘Original Clean’ and debuted a new logo and newly redesigned packing designed by the Chase Design Group. I’m all for changing with the times, but come on. This change in formulation resulted in another new scent and the addition of flaxseed oil to the bar form of the soap. Needless to say, this prompted some heavy backlash from consumers, and from me, as we preferred the scent and lather of the previous formula that had been used for over 30 years! 30 years! Is nothing sacred anymore?”

Apparently, instead of embarrassing Jake, she had opted to just embarrass herself with this extremely true story. She took another sip of her warm but perfectly poured beer, and let the awkwardness wash over the group.

The strangeness of the story momentarily deterred Bam Bam, Matt, and Pat, who looked at her gormlessly. But only momentarily.

“When he said that he was hanging out with a gorgeous reporter from Toronto, and that he was going to bring her one of our Irish Spring body washes, we all told him he was crazy. Didn’t we, Pat!” The group was laughing together again.

“We sure did,” the man who was apparently Pat said, laughing.

“That’s what we told him!” the man who was apparently Matt added.

Scottie couldn’t help but smile at the warm dynamic between the colleagues, who seemed like friends.

“Gorgeous?” Scottie said, looking Jake in the eyes. If she had thought he was embarrassed before, she hadn’t seen anything yet.

“I wanted to tell you that I had fun during our run,” Jake said sheepishly.

“You think that buying her a men’s body wash with two deodorants, including a prescription strength deodorant, told her that you enjoyed running with her?” Bam Bam almost had tears in his eyes.

Scottie couldn’t help but laugh too.

“We told him that under no circumstances should be give you that. When we give it out to the boys after practice, we have no problem telling them that they stink and that they need to shower immediately. In fact, I think it’s good for them. It brings them down a peg. Let’s them know who’s boss. And, it also has the effect of making sure that they adequately clean themselves. It’s touch and go sometimes,” Bam Bam added. “But that’s different. None of them are gorgeous reporters from Toronto.” His voice rose several octaves and had a distinct “Jake and Scottie sittin’ in a tree” vibes.

“That’s what we said!” Pat laughed.

“We tried to take it out of his bag, but he told us he knew what he was doing. I don’t know why we believed him. We never will again,” Bam Bam tittered.

“Never again!” Matt added.

“We said that you would be offended by the gift. But apparently you weren’t offended enough, because you’re here, at Jackie’s Place. The bar with more dark corners than anywhere else!” Bam Bam joked, looking around.

“Come on, it’s not like that,” Jake said defensively.

“Then what is it like?” Bam Bam shot back playfully.

Jake looked at Scottie, uncertainly.

“While you may be right about the dark corners,” Scottie interjected, “We all know that you’re wrong about what people are doing in those corners. I don’t think anyone has ever been kissed at Jackie’s Place. Ever. He would throw you out immediately, and you would never be seen again.”

The group nodded knowingly.

As if demonstrating his agreement, Jackie came over and dropped three drinks on the counter in front of Jake and Scottie. One was a bottle of Molson, which Bam immediately picked up and took a swig out of.

“Thanks, Jackie!” he said, getting only an angry grunt in response.

He also brought over two matching whiskeys, which Matt and Pat eagerly picked up and began sipping. The whiskey was served in matching whiskey glasses, with matching large spherical ice cubes. Jackie never ceased to surprise. Scottie had never seen an ice cube served in any manner at Jackie’s Place, let alone an ice cube that was clearly made specifically for drinks such as these. She could see that there were chunks of dirt in the giant spherical ice cubes. It probably gave the whiskey a not unpleasant tang. And the distinct taste of Jackie’s Place.

“Did you see the article featuring our Jakey that came out in The Athletic this morning?” Bam Bam said as he pulled out his phone.

“I don’t have a Google alert set for him,” Scottie said with some defensiveness, in part because she had considered it more than once. “Well, and it’s the Leafs’ offseason, so I don’t read The Athletic every day.”

“A Leafs fan? I should have known,” Bam Bam chuckled. Jake shot him an impatient glare. “It is indeed the offseason, which clearly made it a very slow news day for good ol’ James Mirtle to write about this asshole. Am I right, Jake?”

“You’ve never been right about anything,” Jake said.

“Take a good ol’ look see through this article about how he has reformed the culture of the London Knights,” Bam Bam offered Scottie his phone.

Scottie, with some hesitation, took his phone and skimmed the article. She planned to do a close reading of the article later in the evening, but what he was doing sounded impressive. She had long loved hockey, but it was no secret that the white, heterosexist culture that was so pervasive in men’s hockey was a problem. The high profile Hockey Canada sexual assault trial that had taken place in London just the year before made it abundantly clear.

It made her fall for Jake a little bit more than she knew that she already had.

As much as she wanted to take in every detail now, she found herself getting distracted by the photos that accompanied the mostly positive article.

Once again, she found herself wondering how the god-like man that was sitting beside her could possibly be the subject of the photos in the article. She was not just seeing things—there was definitely some Cody Simpson’s Own Artisinal Cheese Puffs powder on his face in the photos. He was sitting in the stands of Canada Life Place, where the London Knights play their home games, and looking at the ice contemplatively. She wasn’t quite sure how it was possible, but she was convinced that the cheese puff powder was photoshopped in to look exactly like that specific brand of cheese puffs. His contemplation was really undercut by the cheese dust on his face.

It was not dissimilar to the time that then coach of the Washington Capitals, Bruce Boudreau, did an interview for HBO with ketchup on his face. But she was sure that Jake would not have allowed himself to be photographed in such a fashion.

The other photos were less obvious, but it was still clear that the spread did not match the beauty of the man who was sitting beside her, watching her scroll through the phone of an adult who asked people to call him Bam Bam. He was making weird faces in them, or his eyes were partly closed in others. It really felt like the photo selection was a part of a concerted effort to undermine Jake Kneiss’ heartthrob status.

“How do I put this delicately,” Scottie said carefully. “Did you do something to James Mirtle to get him to put pictures like these in every article about you?”

The four of them stood in silence for a moment. Then they all burst out laughing.

“I thought I was just being vain,” Jake said, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. She hoped they were tears of mirth, rather than tears about the photo selection.

“I never brought it up to Jake because I didn’t want to be rude,” Bam Bam laughed.

“Oh my god,” Scottie said with dread in her voice. “The fact that you thought it was too rude to say makes me feel terrible. “Forget I said anything.”

“Ha!” Jake choked, “She has you figured out right away, Bam Bam.”

“I will not forget that you said this for the rest of my life,” Bam Bam laughed. “Someone really needed to knock Kneissy down a peg. He has been feeling too good about himself since he was 13 years old.”

“Have not,” Jake shot back. “You’ve only known me since I was 13 years old. I was overconfident way before that!”

Bam Bam was doubled over with laughter. He was actually grabbing his stomach as if it might fall off.

“Hey. I didn’t say that Kneissy is unattractive,” Scottie interjected, laughing at the nickname. “I said that the pictures were unattractive. I would like the record to show that I did not say that Jake is unattractive.”

“Okay, journalist,” Jake chuckled. “This is all off the record. Except the part where Scottie said that I’m attractive. That needs to be on the record. It’s front page news.”

“I did not agree to make anything off the record,” Scottie replied, “so you’re out of luck.”

Jake and Scottie looked at each other, smiling. Bam Bam looked on, feeling incredibly pleased with himself. Just as he always did.

Noticing the crowd around them, Jake cleared his throat.

“Look, as much as I like being humiliated by my colleagues outside of work, we’re actually trying to be professional right now!” Jake almost whispered. Matt and Pat sat up straighter, and brushed some crumbs off of their London Knights polo shirts. “No, not you guys. You guys are never professional.”

They all laughed knowingly.

“Me and Scottie. We are kind of in the middle of something. Can you knuckleheads go find yourself a table for a bit, and I’ll catch up with you later?”

“Sure,” Bam Bam said, grabbing his bottle of Molson and sidling up to a small table with three chairs on the other side of the bar. Matt and Pat followed suit. “I know when I’m not needed,” Bam Bam added, with a fake pouty face. The overall effect was pleasing.

“Because I told you directly?” Jake said.

“Jealous?” he called back, much to the confusion of everyone except for Matt and Pat, who were happily enjoying their whiskeys.