Day 6: 12,045 words and a five for one (five words when one is needed)

 

Thank god for Irish Spring 5 in 1. You will all be shocked and appalled by how many words I was able to waste because of this. 

She spent the morning writing about the strange press conference on the Wortley Village fires. Her plan was to publish a longform article after she finished her work in London, instead of reporting on the case as it unfolded. Her plan was to incorporate the phrase “Chief Pettipiece sure puts the ‘petty’ in ‘Pettipiece’ somewhere into the final product.

Aside from having prepared this absolute zinger, she wondered if she would ever have anything to report at all.

The morning came and went quickly, and soon enough it was time to change into her running clothes for the mandatory lunchtime run. As much as she had enjoyed running with Jake, because he was easy on the eyes, she also had not enjoyed running—because it was running. She also was so opposed to mandatory lunchtime runs for employees of the Toronto Star that she had a newfound determination not to do it. 

Just as she had hoped, once she exited her hotel onto the cloudy day on Grand Street in Wortley Village, Jake Kneiss was standing outside waiting for her. He was looking very fresh in an all-black running ensemble. 

When he saw that Scottie wasn’t wearing running clothes, but instead was dressed in lightweight blue pants and a white top, he gave her a slight frown.

“Was yesterday really that bad?” he asked her, jogging over. Was the man even capable of moving as slothfully as Scottie always aspired to?

Once he was in front of her, she saw that he was holding a small gift bag.

“What’s in the bag?” she gestured. His cheeks brightened a little bit.

“I hope that this doesn’t offend you,” he started.

“Says everyone who is just about to offend someone,” Scottie chided.

“But the London Knights are sponsored by Irish Spring, and we just got a massive box of this give in one product that I thought that you might appreciate, given your new athletic lifestyle. They have been asking us to give them away because they are taking up a lot of space in the office.”

He pulled a green bottle out of the brown gift bag. The bottle of body cleaning gel was huge, but apparently appropriately so because the bottle announced loudly that it contained “50% more/ plus.” 

“Did I really smell that bad yesterday?” Scottie said, and it was her turn to blush.

“No!” Jake hurriedly replied. “Not at all! I just thought that you would appreciate the efficiency of having a five in one bath and shower gel. And you should also note that it lasts for twenty four hours!”

“Five in one!” Scottie almost spat out her water, which she didn’t remember drinking. “No wonder they need 50% more/ plus in this bottle. What even are the five things that one solution can do?”

“Beats me,” Jake laughed. “It doesn’t say.”

“I already have one mystery that I can’t solve. Now another?” Scottie said.

“Well apparently this may not be a mystery that you need to solve. You don’t look like you are going to run today. So now you probably will only need cleaning products that do one thing, rather than five.”

“I actually have a proposal for you,” Scottie said with a smile, taking the Irish Spring five in one bottle from Jake. “I will agree to go on runs with you. But on three conditions.”

“Why not make it five in one?” Jake countered.

“Okay. If you want me to remember that you brought me a five in one body wash as an incredibly unsubtle way of telling me that I stink, then we can go with five conditions. That’s not the play that I’d go with, personally.”

“I’m never going to hear the end of this from the other coaches. They told me not to give one to someone that I want to impress. They said it would send the wrong message. I thought you would appreciate the gesture!” He put out his hands plaintively. “And maybe think of me in the shower.” He said that last part very boyishly.

Scottie’s cheeks immediately burned bright red. She instinctively covered her smirk with her hand. She absolutely did not know the right thing to say. But she knew that she liked it. Instead, she just changed the topic.

“Unfortunately, I think your gesture was a big swing and a miss. We have a strictly professional and athletic relationship.”

Scottie said that more for herself than anything. She wasn’t looking to get into a relationship, a situationship, or anything else.

“You’re going to have to tell your colleagues that they were right. I thought that male hockey players were supposed to be good with women,” Scottie joked. 

“Fair enough,” he said. “And, for the record, we are mostly not very good with women.” Jake shook his head. “We spend way too much of our time with other men who don’t really know anything about women at all.”

Well, he had a point. 

“So. The five conditions.” Scottie continued on. “First, the shampoo, if you will.”

“I will not,” Jake groaned.

Scottie snickered. “I will go on runs with you, but never at 12 pm. You may be accustomed to your boss telling you when and how you need to move your body, but I’m not.”

“Alright, I accept. That’s more than I was expecting, really.” Jake said. “What else?”

“Second, every day at 12 pm I am going to come up with a way to make my boss think that I’m running or moving, but I won’t do it.”

Jake rubbed his hands together craftily. “You said you have a dog, right?”

“I like the way you think, Kneiss.”

“Third condition. I need your help with getting people in the neighbourhood to talk to me. I have a strong feeling that some of them know more than what they are saying.”

“That’s easy. If you want to get people in the neighbourhood to talk, you’re going to have to go to Jackie’s Place. And I’ve got just the thing that will get them to talk.”

“Is it alcohol?”

“It’s the alcohol that they would be drinking anyway,” Jake said with an adorable defensiveness. “I’m a very ethical person!”

“I should hope so,” Scottie tutted. “And the fourth condition.”

“What?”

“Is that you don’t make me come up with a fifth condition.”