Day 7: 14,041 words and finally some actual journalism

Today was the first day where I had a lot of difficulty writing. I think it was because I had to do it all at one time, at the end of the day. I still got it done today-- and I actually managed to move the arson plot forward! And then I took two steps back. 

She learned something very interesting from a neighbour, Sue, who lived across the street from the locations—the hair salon and the empty building— where the first two fires had occurred. The night of the first fire, after she phoned 911 to report the flames, the first fire truck to the scene was there 5 minutes and 45 seconds after she placed the call—well within the City of London’s established standards for the arrival of fire engines. The second fire, in the empty building, was phoned in by both Sue and another neighbour, Laurie, at close to the same time. Sue and Laurie had noticed that the time that it took for the first fire engine to show up was much longer than it had been two nights ago, when the hair salon was ablaze. This time, it took at least 8 minutes and 10 seconds for a fire truck to show up. Much more damage had been done to the building due to the delay. 

Scottie knew that she had phoned in the fourth fire, at the Wortley Road Café. She didn’t know if she had been the first one to phone it in, though. And she had been so stunned by the fire that she couldn’t be sure how long it had taken for the fire trucks to show up. It certainly felt like a long time, but much like Cody Simpson’s failed Olympic trials, time was apparently quite subjective. 

Scottie had asked both Sue and Laurie if they had phoned in the third fire, at the souvenir shop, but they said that they hadn’t. The fire was too far from their houses. By the time they noticed it, the fire trucks were already there.

She made a note to herself to get this information from the fire chief, or if necessary, to file an Access to Information request. If the time that it was taking for responders to show up to fires was exceeding the standards of the London Fire Department, she wanted to know why. 

One thing that she had learned in her years as a reporter was that when the people at the top were refusing to answer your questions, or you weren’t satisfied with their answers, you had to keep going lower. The lower you go in an organization, the less of a stake people have in maintaining its lies. She planned to talk to some firefighters, and maybe some police officers, tomorrow. 

How else could you explain how the Low Level Management Group had become the epicentre of the Toronto Star revolution?

Her questions of the nearby homeowners and business owners about the Foucauldian Discourse Analysis Aid Kits had turned up nothing. Most of the people she asked were more confused than anything. They weren’t sure who Michel Foucault was, what discourse was, or why you would analyze it. 

They certainly were not going to be of any help to Scottie as she tried to get to the bottom of the faulty Foucauldian Discourse Analysis Aid Kit. Or, the faulty depiction of the Foucauldian Discourse Analysis Aid Kit. She had been turning the dolphin shaped kazoo over in her mind again and again, trying to make sense of its inclusion. The goal of Foucauldian discourse analysis is to apprehend how language and practices are imbued with power. Discourses are bodies of statements that are systematically organized in particular ways. Much like a Summer Jams 2002 CD. Different rhetorical strategies make some things knowable and legible, and others less so. Some knowledges can even go extinct, much like dinosaurs in The Land Before Time IV. 

But a kazoo shaped like a dolphin? It defied the Order of Things. If language structures reality, what was she supposed to do about something that sounded like it should be real, but wasn't?

Scottie had tried to find out where the dolphin kazoo had come from, but she could not find a single photo of a dolphin kazoo online. Or a single place to order one. No one that she spoke with knew where she could get one. Again, they found the request quite odd. Perhaps they had been sold at the souvenir shop that had burned down? She made another note to interview all of the business owners who were victims of the Wortley Village fires. 

She had one other thought: what if dolphin kazoos didn’t exist at all? Had the image of the slightly burnt kazoo shaped like a dolphin been generated by artificial intelligence?

As she pondered this possibility, Jake jogged over to her, looking pleased. 

“I’ve been surveilling Jackie’s Place as I’ve been running,” he said.

“Does Jackie know this? Sounds risky,” Scottie warned. 

“I assume. You can’t do anything in or around Jackie’s Place without Jackie knowing about it.”

I was also extremely tickled by these excerpts from some memos: 

AFTER CONSULTATION AMONGST THE SENIOR LEADERSHIP GROUP, THE AD HOC WIFI COORDINATION AND CONTEMPLATION COMMITTEE (OF WHICH I AM THE CHAIR) AND OUR EXERCISE PHYSIOLOGIST IN RESIDENCE AND DIRECTOR OF EXPERIMENTAL FOUCAULDERY, DR. GORDON TOODIE, WE ARE CHANGING OUR POLICIES ON MANDATORY FITBIT USAGE, EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY. STARTING TODAY, IN ADDITION TO THE NECESSITY THAT YOU WEAR YOUR FITBITS DURING THE COMPULSORY LUNCHTIME RUNS SO THAT WE CAN CHECK YOUR PROGRESS, YOU WILL BE REQUIRED TO WEAR YOUR FITBITS AT ALL TIMES. A BRIEF PERIOD OF REMOVAL SO AS TO CHARGE THE FITBIT IS ALLOWED, ALTHOUGH WE ASK THAT YOU KEEP THIS TO A MINIMUM.

And: 

FINALLY, GIVEN THE 2025-2026 FISCAL YEAR BUDGET CONSTRAINTS, EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY, ALL SHOWER PRODUCTS IN THE ONE YONGE STREET GYM FACILITIES WILL BE SWITCHED TO IRISH SPRING FIVE IN/ EN ONE SHOWER GEL. WE NO LONGER HAVE THE TIME, OR THE MONEY, TO PROVIDE YOU WITH FIVE DISTINCT PRODUCTS. LOOK OUT FOR MORE EMAIL UPDATES FROM RYAN FROM PHYSICAL RESOURCES.

I EXPECT YOU ALL TO DRAW INSPIRATION FROM THE IRISH SPRINGS FIVE IN ONE SHOWER GEL. A FIVE IN ONE PRODUCT CAN OPERATE MUCH IN THE SAME WAY AS YOU DO, IF EACH OF YOU WOULD ASPIRE TO DO THE JOBS OF FIVE PEOPLE. THERE IS ALSO 50 % MORE/ PLUS PRODUCT CONTAINED IN EVERY BOTTLE, MUCH IN THE SAME WAY THAT WE EXPECT ALL TORONTO STAR EMPLOYEES TO DO 50 % MORE/ PLUS WORK. 

GOVERN YOURSELVES ACCORDINGLY.